“Storytime” and a Tall Masters Tale

If you went to a mini-tour event in the late 80s or early 90s, Steve Thomas was probably there. He would hold court after the round in the restaurant, bar, or around the handwritten scoreboards. There he would tell stories of playing with Arnie and Jack, the time Crenshaw hit two balls at once at the Kemper Open, or the multiple times he tried to Monday qualify for the Masters. Almost none of it was true, but he would tell it. 

Each year, as my account grew and the Masters came around, I would make (lame) jokes about a made-up Masters Monday Q. One year, I even made a fake tee sheet and "updated" scoring throughout the day. Every year, there was always a former pro (or three) who would mention Steve Thomas and every year, I put off following up on the name. Until last year when I inquired about Thomas further, and then put it off again. 

"He always insisted on riding alone in any event and told us he was claustrophobic,” said a former tour player. “But we knew it was to foot wedge or drop balls, etc. He was a cheating mother.”

Steve Thomas played 12 career Ben Hogan Tour (KFT) events, 44 PGA Tour events (with one career top-10), and 34 Champions Tour events. In 2009, he had his best career finish on the Champions Tour with a T5, earning $77,000. 

Thomas traveled America's back roads, playing on any mini-tour that held an event with a purse. "EVERYONE has a Steve Thomas story," one pro told me. 

"I played a practice round with Steve; at the time, he was traveling in a dodgy RV with a white pit bull…What impressed me most was that he smoked three cigarettes between the tee and his second shot, IN A CART! I think he ripped through four packs that day." 

Because of all his stories he earned the nickname "storytime." According to someone I spoke with, at a Champions Tour event Thomas was holding court in player dining when Bob Tway got up and said, "Who the hell is this guy?" Tway then moved to another table. 

"The first time I played with him, he regaled me with stories about him, Jack, and Arnie playing together,” said one pro I spoke with. “I was only 21 at the time, and I knew he was full of shit.”

"One event was when a player hit a ball out of the rough, and two balls flew out,” added another former tour player. “A ball was somehow buried directly under his ball, a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Steve drives over and says, ‘Crenshaw did the same thing when I played with him at Congressional in the Kemper.’ He was exhausting to play with because you had to watch him like a hawk." 

At a Hooters Tour event in 1991 Thomas was in contention during the final round and at the turn he headed into the clubhouse. When he came out he told anyone listening that he had just spoken with his agent and been given an exemption into the Italian Open on the European Tour. “$10,000 guaranteed” he said. According to scoring from the event, “Storytime” wasn’t in the field. 

Everyone I spoke with talked about how talented he was. Even into his 50s, Thomas was competing and doing well in mini-tours and long-drive competitions. “He absolutely bombed it,” one pro told me. Along the way, he would tell everyone about his attempts to Monday qualify for the Masters.

"During a rain delay, he gathered pros around, seasoned guys, and kept talking about a Masters Monday and how they had one ‘back then.’ He said he almost got through or whatever. Imagine the balls it takes to tell a story like that in a room full of pros." Another told me “He told me to my face that he Monday’d into the Masters.” 

There has never been a Monday qualifier for the Masters, but that never stopped Thomas from telling his stories. One player said, "He lied, knowing that you KNEW he was lying, but it didn't matter." 

Steven Thomas’ last event on the Champions Tour was 2010, where he finished T29 at the SAS Championship. Later that year, he went to Q-school but failed to get through and never played a Champions event again. I wondered what happened to him. One of the messages I got ended with a sentence that stopped me in my tracks. 

"Turns out he was a pedo, I guess." 

In January of 2012, Steve Thomas was arrested in Florida after he arranged to meet a minor for sex. Thomas was caught during a sting operation and according to arrest records, was trying to arrange sex with a 13-year-old. 

In July 2013, he was convicted of traveling to meet a minor for an unlawful sexual offense and was sentenced to nine months in jail and five years of parole. In a letter to the judge asking to have his parole shortened to four years, Thomas said, "I have been a professional golfer all my life, and my actions in Jan of 2012 cost me everything. I have been banned from the Champions Tour…In the spring, there are two tournaments in Alabama I could play in."

The motion was denied. 

According to the sex offender registry, Thomas resides in Mississippi. 

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